A month into my fledgling blogging career I feel that now is an appropriate time to justify my ‘incessant ravings’, as one particular individual described them. Along with this rather hurtful comment I have received a broad spectrum of reactions for my blog posts which have covered a great many varying topics. Overall the feedback has been good and most of your comments have encouraged me to ignore any negative comments – mainly from close friends – and persevere. The feedback I have received has been ego boosting and to some extent, life affirming and I thank you for that. For those less enamoured with my satirical viewpoints on this great mystery we call life I can only apologise for subjecting you to them. This does not mean to say, however that I will stop, rather that you - the disgruntled minority - will have to become more tolerant.
The blog started out of boredom, as many great things do; the game of football, and electricity to name just two examples. In its early days it attracted rather more attention than I had anticipated yet as the novelty factor has worn off over the weeks my following has dwindled to a select few who find my ramblings witty and insightful. Either that or they are just reading out of pity. The blog has become somewhat of a creative outlet for me and without it I feel I would be a much less pleasant person to be around, it gives me the opportunity to vent my frustrations and share my often flawed rationale with you, the public. The fact is that writing my blog provides a certain cathartic release and without it I surely would have suffered a heart attack by now, or at the very least developed some kind of ulcer.
One thing that I was prepared for when I embarked on my blogging quest was the ridicule I would be subjected to from my close friends who have branded me, amongst other things, a ‘weirdo’ and a ‘freak’, some have even gone as far to say that they are concerned about my mental state. I agree that the unfortunate timing of my blog may lead people to believe that it is one component of a premature mid-life crisis; I find myself at a crossroads in my life after withdrawing from University and moving back in with my parents. Contrary to the views of some of my oldest friends, my recent literary endeavours are neither a cry for help nor a symbol of a fragile mental state. A much more telling sign of my sanity is the fact that I often like to spice up shopper-employee relations, whilst purchasing items or ordering food, by portraying myself as one of many characters I have developed over time. Just this morning I was Hans Schneider, a high flying German business executive on a three day jaunt from Dresden to secure a lucrative construction contract, who had a hankering for some mint imperials. I feel the whole experience livens up the day’s proceedings and leaves the unwitting victim culturally enriched.
One of the labels that has not been associated with me in the midst of my blogging is that of ‘Literary Maverick’; if I had business cards printed that would be my title, I feel it is edgy and unique with just the right level of self-importance. As a Literary Maverick I still have a great deal to learn about writing, I would be lost without the tools that Microsoft Word equips me with; I am over reliant on spell check - without it, some of the more elaborate words I use would merely be jumbles of letters - and my grasp on punctuation is similar to that of an eight year old. It has got to the stage where a sentence looks naked without a semi-colon; this is something that needs to be remedied.
For those of you who dismiss this foray into the world of writing as a hobby I say to you, what is wrong with having a hobby? I was in dire need of a new one, there is only so long a man can cope with the pain of blisters brought about by continual masturbation. But that’s another story entirely. I have utilised the social forum of Facebook as my main virtual advertising hording, something I have been criticised for after I questioned peoples’ reliance on the social networking site in one of my earliest blogs.
I suppose that my ultimate hope for this collection of ramblings about my everyday irks is that somehow, amongst all of the blogging hopefuls out there, a wealthy magazine editor will stumble across my blog and offer me a great deal of money to write for him. That is the dream and hopefully one day it will become a reality, but for now I will soldier on with my blogging antics and continue to strike fear into friends and acquaintances that one day they will be the subject of one of my blogs, because, when all is said and done, haters gonna hate.
Here’s a video of a dog talking
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